Is my wife gay
I Thought I Got Divorced Because My Wife Is Queer . Now I’m Teaching It All Might’ve Been a Enormous Lie.
How to Execute It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Execute It,
A year and a half ago, my wife came out as a lesbian. While losing her this way was painful, I agreed to end the marriage because I didn’t want her to have to live a lie. We’ve stayed in contact, which has been nice, but I recently heard something that made me really mad.
It turns out that she and her wife sometimes possess threesomes in which they include a guy. Now a part of me feels like she ended our marriage under false pretenses and I feel betrayed. Did she deceive me?
—I Thought She Didn’t Go For That
Dear I Thought She Didn’t Go For That,
Your ex-wife may have deceived you. Maybe when she told you she was a queer woman , she had lingering doubt or even full knowledge that she still had sexual attraction to men. Maybe she thought it would be too complicated to explain this, that other submit issues with your relationship (including the sexual aspect of it) were too much to become into so that “I’m gay” was the most productive explanation.
What Can You Do If You Think Your Wife is Gay?
National Coming Out Day is October 11 (yes, that’s the time this was published!), a tradition begun in 1988. Every year, lesbians and gay men spot the courage to come out as homosexual, often to the shame and scorn of family and friends. Just as often, of course, they are supported and loved for their verdict to share something so intimate and life-affirming. Sometimes lost in the mix, though, are the women who realize, within a marriage, that they are male lover. Worse, sometimes the husband suspects, but is unsure … until she checks out of the marriage altogether or even asks for a divorce.
First Things First: Mixed Orientation Couples are Common
The first thing to acknowledge is that you are not alone. Mixed orientation couples are so common, in fact, that a support group exists for them. Whether you realize you are a gay man in a marriage or you think your wife may be a woman loving woman, plenty of support is out there to help you parse through everything you’re feeling.
Why Execute You Suspect Your Wife is a Lesbian?
If you suspect your wife is actually a woman loving woman, think about why you own come to that conclusion. Several factors that make
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Falling in romance with someone new is clearly an enormous challenge for a marriage. The pain and confusion are compounded, however, when it’s with someone of the same gender. It’s this situation that has more men than ever saying, “My wife turned lesbian” and wondering why.
Losing your wife’s affection to another man is hard to take. Anger, hurt, devastation – these are all common emotions. But if your wife seems suddenly to have “turned lesbian” those feelings are often eclipsed by shear confusion.
- Why?
- What happened?
- Was she always a lesbian?
- Has our marriage been a lie?
These are just a few of the initial questions a guy might have if his wife suddenly seems to be interested in women.
But the biggest question is probably,
Is It My Fault My Wife Turned Lesbian?
This is a big and complicated question. The brief answer, however, is no – you aren’t responsible for your wife turning to women.
In fact, let’s dispel some common concerns:
- You didn’t ruin men for her
- It has nothing to do with your masculinity
- It’s not because you were bad in bed
- You’re not in danger of turning another women lesbian
Your wife’s in
Q:
Last week my wife of 27 years told me she was a female homosexual, is having an affair and is leaving. Everyone — our gay friends, straight friends, her coworkers who understand and my coworkers who know — all believe she is a lesbian.
I don’t think she is. We had great intimacy. We were truly foremost friends — or so I reflection — and so she said. We loved each other in the truest marital sense — not just the sex.
I never idea there would be anything but us. I am irate about the affair and betrayal. She was going to counseling. I knew she was struggling with several issues: chronic back pain, weight gain, and high blood pressure. I have offered to help in whatever way I can.
Isn’t it workable this is something we can resolve together? She still says she loves me. I don’t know what is real. I am so confused.
A:
Learning that a spouse is gay can be confusing and devastating. You obviously look after for her a lot and she for you.
Married couples where one spouse is gay often have very sturdy relationships with each other outside of sex, and sometimes even including sex. Many still cite to their ex-spouse as their leading friend. I accept that it is