First time gay men
Advice for Your First Gay Date
Taking a right on Fletcher Navigate on the eastside of Los Angeles, there’s a billboard with two male figures under a caption that reads, “Sorry, This Is My First Period Being Gay.” To this day, I have no clue what the billboard is advertising, but my friends and I quote it reflexively whenever we take Fletcher to the I-5. There is something both deeply relatable and incredibly nonsensical about that phrase. The anxiety and insecurity that comes with your first sexual queer encounter is universal in the queer community, and yet the idea that “being gay” is something that can be activated in a single moment is absurd.
Your first queer date, whether that be in high university or your late thirties, can feel daunting. At the time I started questioning my sexuality, I was working in the college library shelving books during the evening alter. As a hapless dork with anxiety, every day I was in the “queer theory section” (which was expansive in my liberal arts school), I would sit on the floor and read through book after book in the hopes that some gay savvy would be absorbed through the words. I went down internet wormholes. I took every “
14."I went on a trip to a tropical country. I found a petty, secluded, resort-type place with a lock while exploring the area. I spent the entire afternoon there while the male, early 20s bartender served me. He had a blinding smile. At one point, he told me that no one else was around and that I could swim in the pool, naked, if I wanted. I said 'screw it' and did. He kept serving me drinks and talking, and I later said I was gonna get out and go browse by the beach. He told me since no one else was there he was gonna close the area for an hour and that I didn't have to put my clothes back on. He walked me over to the hammock and kept complimenting my body. I was into it, so I didn't stop him. He sort of felt me up as I got into the hammock (I let him), and he eventually made his way down on me..."
"This was my first (and only) time a guy had gone down on me. He got naked and offered to go further. I told him I could try but only with protection. He came support with condoms, and I tried but couldn't stay up. He asked if he could experiment, and at this point I just felt I was all in anyway, so I was down.
It was an interesting experience. I was taller and physically bigger and had never been
Dad died when I was six. The rabbi who lived in the apartment below took over for him. I’m sure he wanted to do Mom. They packed us off to an evil Hasidic summer camp where everyone made fun of us because we didn’t know their crazy prayers. My brother was four. We would secretly meet in the woods, hug each other and wail. We couldn’t comprehend why our father died and our mother sent us to this terrible place. I learned to hate all religion and still do.
Mom was a dark-haired, curvaceous looker, juicy, and in her prime. She liked sex but decided that all men had to pay for it. The butcher brought steaks; the florist, flowers; the bagel man left fresh hot steaming bagels by our door every morning for months. Leon, the ice cream man left ice cream. My younger brother and I were posthaste dispatched to acquire the stuff into the house, so they couldn’t spot Mom. And not to forget Abe, the jeweler, who brought, well, jewels. They all tried to get inside. Some did. When Mom met the gentleman who brought it all, she married him.
We lived in Borough Park, in Brooklyn. Until I ran away, I thought everyone in the world was either Jewish or Italian. I was intimidated by all the dark, Brooklyn-rough I
Tips for cis men who need to try sex with other cis men – in a safe and respectful way
To begin, I’d like to clarify that this article is not necessarily about questioning your sexuality. Everyone should be able to explore their curiosities in a pleasurable and positive way, and it’s essential to understand that you can try new things without subscribing to any fixed labels. These tips are for cis men who want to try sex with other cis men, in a safe and respectful manner.
Note: ‘cisgender men’ or ‘cis men’ refers to men who were assigned male at birth, based on having a penis and other biological characteristics, and detect as men too.Cis is the opposite of trans. We debate trans men morehere, andhere’s some support and advice about navigating sex and relationshipsfor trans men and trans masculine people.
1. Be honest from the get-go that you’re curious
Whether you want to hook up with someone you’re already acquainted with (usually a gym bro, according to most porn), or you’ve been involved in a charged emoji swap on Grindr, honesty is fundamental from the beginning. Many queer people are empathetic